Stay away during lightning storms...

Sometimes I think I'm the clumsiest person on the planet. Injury and misfortune seem drawn to me. Those around me have gotten used to it, but whenever I meet new people and explain how badly I can hurt myself, they seem surprised. Let's just take a closer look, shall we?

In the last few days, I have:

• electrocuted myself trying to plug in my hair dryer.
• punched myself in the face when trying to adjust my purse strap

In the last few months, I have:

• gotten a terrible black eye from a collision during a basketball game
• gotten another terrible black eye from opening my car door into my face

In the last few years, I have:

• contracted pneumonia from a simple sinus infection, despite taking antibiotics at the first sign of symptoms.
• contacted hand, foot and mouth disease, which usually only occurs in infants and small children.
• broken my nose in a rather unfortunate flag football accident
• gotten two black eyes at once from a completely different flag football accident
• hit myself in the head at least 400 times because of my ridiculously terrible depth perception.

Despite my efforts to avoid hurting myself, I think I'm doomed to a life spent in pain. The good news is that our new house is fairly close to the hospital. Believe me when I say this was a contributing reason to why we liked it so much.

Now, does anyone have an ice pack and a protective helmet?

Back to the Internetz

Back to the blog after days of moving and getting the internet set up and trying to find the deodorant that somehow got packed with the potato masher. Phew, it feels good to get back in the saddle.

Last night I learned a few things:
1. A bottle of champagne splits evenly into exactly 6 glasses, 3 for each of us.

2. 3 glasses of champagne is about one too many.

3. The Bachelorette is a hilarious show, although I think it's supposed to be romantic and heartfelt. Maybe I just don't have a romantic bone in my body, because we just laughed and laughed at all the potential daters last night. One guy calls himself Bilbro. Seriously. I nicknamed him Bilbro Douchebaggins and then giggled for 20 minutes. See #2.

4. It is possible to dang near get your nose broken in your sleep. Mitch has wild elbows when he's asleep.

5. Einstein has claimed the spare bedroom as his own. He dragged a blanket out of a box, curled it into a little bed and has taken to sleeping in there instead of in his crate or his doggy bed. These teenagers, they just need their freedom, I suppose.

Who knows what I'll learn tonight?

Clumsy is as clumsy does...

Did I ever tell you about the time I had a unicorn horn? No?

One day, I thought it would be a good idea to play flag football. It worked out so well for our team that we ended up in the championship game. Go Team!

During the last few minutes of that thrilling game, I caught a pass on a 5-yard out pattern and turned upfield....right into the girl who was playing defense on me. We collided, hitting heads against each other with a sick amount of force. I got up and assured everyone that I was fine. Ha.

1 hour after the collision:
The best part was when all that swelling went down...into my eyes.
So Mitch and I did all our Christmas shopping in a crowded mall in Oklahoma City with me looking like an abuse victim.

It didn't help that right as we were walking into JCrew, as I was complaining about people staring that he shouted, "Shouldn't have talked back then!"

Thanks hon.