Thursday, October 29, 2009

Stay away during lightning storms...

Sometimes I think I'm the clumsiest person on the planet. Injury and misfortune seem drawn to me. Those around me have gotten used to it, but whenever I meet new people and explain how badly I can hurt myself, they seem surprised. Let's just take a closer look, shall we?

In the last few days, I have:
  • electrocuted myself trying to plug in my hair dryer.
  • punched myself in the face when trying to adjust my purse strap
In the last few months, I have:
  • gotten a terrible black eye from a collision during a basketball game
  • gotten another terrible black eye from opening my car door into my face
In the last few years, I have:
  • contracted pneumonia from a simple sinus infection, despite taking antibiotics at the first sign of symptoms.
  • contacted hand, foot and mouth disease, which usually only occurs in infants and small children.
  • broken my nose in a rather unfortunate flag football accident
  • gotten two black eyes at once from a completely different flag football accident
  • hit myself in the head at least 400 times because of my ridiculously terrible depth perception.
Despite my efforts to avoid hurting myself, I think I'm doomed to a life spent in pain. The good news is that our new house is fairly close to the hospital. Believe me when I say this was a contributing reason to why we liked it so much.

Now, does anyone have an ice pack and a protective helmet?

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