Stay away during lightning storms...

Sometimes I think I'm the clumsiest person on the planet. Injury and misfortune seem drawn to me. Those around me have gotten used to it, but whenever I meet new people and explain how badly I can hurt myself, they seem surprised. Let's just take a closer look, shall we?

In the last few days, I have:

• electrocuted myself trying to plug in my hair dryer.
• punched myself in the face when trying to adjust my purse strap

In the last few months, I have:

• gotten a terrible black eye from a collision during a basketball game
• gotten another terrible black eye from opening my car door into my face

In the last few years, I have:

• contracted pneumonia from a simple sinus infection, despite taking antibiotics at the first sign of symptoms.
• contacted hand, foot and mouth disease, which usually only occurs in infants and small children.
• broken my nose in a rather unfortunate flag football accident
• gotten two black eyes at once from a completely different flag football accident
• hit myself in the head at least 400 times because of my ridiculously terrible depth perception.

Despite my efforts to avoid hurting myself, I think I'm doomed to a life spent in pain. The good news is that our new house is fairly close to the hospital. Believe me when I say this was a contributing reason to why we liked it so much.

Now, does anyone have an ice pack and a protective helmet?