Stay away during lightning storms...

Sometimes I think I'm the clumsiest person on the planet. Injury and misfortune seem drawn to me. Those around me have gotten used to it, but whenever I meet new people and explain how badly I can hurt myself, they seem surprised. Let's just take a closer look, shall we?

In the last few days, I have:

• electrocuted myself trying to plug in my hair dryer.
• punched myself in the face when trying to adjust my purse strap

In the last few months, I have:

• gotten a terrible black eye from a collision during a basketball game
• gotten another terrible black eye from opening my car door into my face

In the last few years, I have:

• contracted pneumonia from a simple sinus infection, despite taking antibiotics at the first sign of symptoms.
• contacted hand, foot and mouth disease, which usually only occurs in infants and small children.
• broken my nose in a rather unfortunate flag football accident
• gotten two black eyes at once from a completely different flag football accident
• hit myself in the head at least 400 times because of my ridiculously terrible depth perception.

Despite my efforts to avoid hurting myself, I think I'm doomed to a life spent in pain. The good news is that our new house is fairly close to the hospital. Believe me when I say this was a contributing reason to why we liked it so much.

Now, does anyone have an ice pack and a protective helmet?

WiiFit: So easy a stripper can do it

Can we talk about how terrible I am at the "sport" of hula hooping? I know what you're thinking, I didn't even know it was possible to be bad at hula hooping, I mean, tiny children can do this. But somewhere during my 25 years of extreme clumsiness (my family's nickname for me has always been Lumpy, because everytime they looked at me, I had a new lump from falling), I lost my Shakira hips.

I only discovered this because I was playing my WiiFit last night (which is AMAZING, by the way) and the little game told me to hula hoop to the left instead of the right.

What? Is this little machine kidding me? Everyone knows you can only hula hoop in one direction. This game is obviously meant for Latin dancers or strippers or something, not for horribly uncoordinated people like yours truly. So since my husband has laughed at my attempts at hula hooping, I thought I would pose the question: Can you hula hoop? And if so, are you ambihoopstrous?

If you're lucky and he can hold a camera steady while laughing, I'll have Mitch video the travesty that is my hula hooping. Stay posted!